Ding-Dong
by Baby Jenks
Summary: JD and Veronica have company...X-over!


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TITLENote: This story takes place during the /TITLE

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FONT FACE="Arial"P Disclaimers: I don't own Lestat outside my own mind, and why am I writing this? A rich SPEC-hating evil author'll sue me anyway. Oops, did I say that? I meant Anne. FONT FACE="Wingdings"/FONT

JD and Veronica belong to the Heathers, Daniel Waters, and Michael Lehamann. I dunno WHO owns The Little Mermaid and Captian Kirk, and I don't care. Beginning is a little Heathers-filled, but the Vamps come in later. And pretty much steal the show. Oh yeah, Invisible Man dosen't belong to me either. /P

P::sound effect::/P

PCAST:/P

UPLestat de Lioncourt/U- A Vampire/P

UPLouis de Pointe du Lac/U- Another Vampire, Lestat's fledgling and lover./P

UPJason Dean/U- Teenage psychopath/P

UPVeronica Sawyer/U- His hypocritical girlfriend (who deserves to die)/P

UPCaptain Kurt/U- Original Captain of the Enterprise/P

UPCaptain Picard/U- NEW Captain of the Enterprise/P

UPMarius/U- Another Vampire/P

UPThe Little Mermaid/U- See name/P

UPArnaud de Fhn/U- Swiss terrorist with a limited vocabulary/P

UPSarah Boomer/U- FanFic author and Cierra's best friend /P

UPCierra Bolin/U- Author, also known as Supreme Being, goddess, beautiful, etcetera. /P

UPWinona Ryder/U- Actress/P

UPDamien/U- Living Dead Doll/P

UPMary/U- She had a little lamb/P

P/P

P******************/P

P"Do you like your father?" Veronica's voice was dripping with sarcasm./P

P"Never given the matter much thought. I liked my mother." JD added as an afterthought, sadness ringing in his voice. The angst ridden teen started to-/P

P"What the hell?!?!?!?!" JD asked, shouting at the ceiling./P

P"Don't describe me that way, Cierra, it's degrading. The angst-ridden teen? My God. I'm a sociopath, darling, angst is Veronica's department."/P

P"Hey!/P

IUPJD! You RUINED the storyline! I can't have you arguing with me in the middle of the page!!! Plus, the author can't talk to her characters in the story, they'll think she's insane!!/P

/I/UP"Well, it IS your fault. I thought you said you'd include my mother in this story!"/P

IUPI changed my mind. Besides, I told Mary I'd write a crossover with you and Lestat de Lioncourt. This is it. So get busy./P

/I/UP"Great. Where were we?"/P

PFor once the ANGST RIDDEN TEEN was ready to work./P

PVeronica had to butt her ugly little head in, though./P

P"Wait a minute. Who's Lestat de Lionheart?"/P

IUPLIONCOURT! LESTAT DE LIONCOURT!!/P

PHe's Tom Criuse's character in Interview with the Vampire/I/U./P

PVeronica grinned and sat back. "He's cute."/P

PJD sighed. "Could we get back on track, please?"/P

IUPOK, from- 'Do you like your father?'/P

/I/UPJason Dean and Veronica assumed their original positions on the couch./P

P"Do you like you father?" Veronica's voice dripped with sarcasm./P

P"Never given the matter much thought. I liked my mother…"/P

PJD replied, picking a photograph off the table. All of a sudden his face screwed up as he squinted at the photo. "That's not my mother! Who the hell is this?" He was gesturing wildly with the frame as he yelled at the author./P

IUPIt came with the frame, don't get your panties in a bundle! And answer the door./P

/I/UP "What? There's no one there."/P

P::Ding Dong::/P

P"Damn you. Veronica, go get the door."/P

P"Why should…" Her voice trailed off as she saw his eyebrows lifted in the most threatening look she'd ever seen./P

P"Alright…"/P

PThe door slowly creaked open, revealing…../P

P"MARDI GRAS!!!" Lestat swirled through the door, dancing his way to the couch, where he proceeded to tickle Veronica. Jason Dean only laughed and watched Veronica writhe on the furniture, finally dropping to the floor in an effort to escape./P

P"Cierra….make…him….STOOOOOOOOOP!" Her face was beet red and tears of laughter ran down her face. Lestat was giggling himself and his fangs flashed through his thick lips. /P

PAll of a sudden, Marius stalked silently into the room and across it until he stood directly over the blonde haired vampires shoulder. He leant closer and closer to Lestat until…Lestat felt Marius' breathing on his neck and turned to face him./P

P"What are you doing?"/P

P"Umm….nothing."/P

PMarius looked embarrassed and disappointed as he shrunk back into the corner, finally settling in the leather armchair./P

PLestat, fairly freaked out by the elder vampires' stunt, sat on the matching couch, accompanied by Veronica. She jumped on his lap, and snuggling into his chest said eagerly, "Hi."/P

PLestat shot a very confused but happy glance at JD, who shrugged./P

P"Ma chrie."/P

PThey were just beginning to settle down when-/P

P "Lestat! What are you doing with HER?!?!?!" Louis appeared at the doorway, face flushed with newly stolen blood./P

PLesat quickly jumped up, looking apprehensively from his lover to the brunette on the couch./P

P"I brought you a present! And I see you with HER?!?! I knew you were doing something , Lestat, but a MORTAL?!?!?"/P

P"It's not like that, Louis! She pounced on me!! Read the boy's mind!"/P

PThe emerald-eyed vampire tuned his thoughts to Jason Dean's, and saw what had happened./P

P"Sorry, cher. I was hasty. How about that present?"/P

PLestat approached Louis, envisioning a young woman taken from a local bar, an evildoer, for their blood was richer. /P

PLouis reached behind his back and produced instead….the Little Mermaid. "Look, Lestat! If you put her fin in warm water it turns colors!"/P

P"Can we use your bathroom?"/P

PJD hesitated./P

P"…sure…"/P

PThe two turned to go to the restroom, but abruptly slammed into Marius, who had been hovering behind him./P

P"What are YOU doing? They asked in unison./P

P"Umm…nothing?"/P

PLouis gave him a dirty look and they ran into the lavatory, splashing in the tub with the mermaid./P

P"WOW!!! All the colors of the rainbow!"/P

P"Not red, though!" Lestat started to pout./P

P"Damn."/P

PWhen out of nowhere came/P

P::Ding, Dong::/P

PStanding in the doorway, Arnaud de Fhn and Sarah Boomer stood staring, wondering why they were there. The last thing they remembered was eating lobster at a fancy restaurant, and Sarah still had one of those stupid plastic bibs on. She looked like an idiot./P

P"HEY!"/P

IUP::giggling::/P

PFine, ruin my fun…/P

/I/UPAbruptly, the bib disappeared./P

PJD was looking at Arnaud strangely./P

P"Are you the terrorist from that Invisible Man show?" /P

P"Absolutely."/P

PSarah rushed across the room to hug JD./P

P"I have missed thee! Write down thy mind, betray thy meaning so, And if thy stumps will let thee play the scribe."/P

PJD's confused face looked over her shoulder to the translucent face there, growing more confused. Sarah noticed this and turned./P

P"What art thou doing?"/P

PMarius looked even more broken and slunk away, muttering a soft, "Nothing…"/P

PLouis and Lestat came back into the room, Lestat looking angry and Louis looking mournful. Lestat jabbed a thumb at his partner and said, "SOMEbody couldn't control their strength and ripped Ariel's fin off. What are we going to do with a decapitated mermaid?"/P

PLouis looked incredibly apologetic./P

P"I told you I'm sorry! It was an accident. I'll buy you another one tomorrow night, ok?"/P

PLestat cheered up immediately. "OK!"/P

PHe looked suspiciously at Arnaud. "You're that evil Swiss terrorist, right?"/P

P"Absolutely."/P

P"Call for water, sweet water! But she hath no tongue to call nor hands to wash, and so lets leave her to her silent walks." Sarah was running in circles around JD, gesturing wildly as she spun./P

P"Uhh…why is Sarah misquoting Shakespeare?"/P

PA lightbulb suddenly went off above JD's head./P

P"That's it! My mom took me to see Titus Andronicus last year, that's what she's quoting from!"/P

PLouis was confused./P

P"And it doesn't even make sense. Arnaud, what's wrong with her?" /P

P"Absolutely." Arnaud looked confused. He couldn't figure out why he could only say 'Absolutely', it didn't make sense./P

PIt made sense to the author, though. Arnaud could only do what the author told him to do because the author knows everything and is infinitely knowledgeable./P

P"What's wrong with Arnaud?!?! All he says is 'Absolutely'! "/P

P"Absolutely!!" He meant to say 'I know', but the author made him say absolutely. 'Cause it's so sexy when he says it that way./P

PArnaud had opened his mouth to say 'Absolutely' when he felt Marius's hand on his shoulder./P

P"ABSOLUTELY?!?!?!" (What are YOU doing?!?!?!)/P

P"Nothing….." Marius retreated again and waited for someone else to show up for him to sneak up on. He didn't have to wait long./P

PCaptain Kirk and Captain Piracy shimmered into existence by the fireplace, and they didn't look too happy./P

P"IM a better captain than you were!"/P

P"BS! I killed a whole colony of Borg!" shouted Captain Picard./P

P"Well, I destroyed a whole ship of Klingon!" Kirk replied./P

P"You bastard! Worf is gonna KILL you!"/P

P"Who's Worf?" Kirk asked, a little suspicious./P

P"One of my best officers, and a KLINGON at that!" Picard was furious./P

P"OOOOHHHHHH!!!!" Captain Kirk lunged at Picard, laser blaster drawn. The two ran out the door, flashes of light emitting from each of their guns./P

P"Who were THEY?" Veronica asked, a little wierded out./P

P"Absolutely." (I don't know. Probably some idiot Americans)/P

P"Halt!! Pry thine sister from the jaws of death, mine friend! I need thine assistance!" Every head in the room turned to see Marius bury his fangs in Sarah's neck, and her struggling against him. Apparently he had approached from behind, and she hadn't heard him in time to say, "What are you doing?" Marius had almost killed her when the author realized that even though Sarah stolen her man(Arnaud), she still loved her (as a friend!) and couldn't have her die. So the author had Marius disappear in a cloud of dust and leave Sarah gasping on the floor, slowly dying from loss of blood. /P

PEveryone gathered around Sarah, and Arnaud only had the strength to muster a single "Absolutely"(I'm sorry I didn't save you! I really like you as a friend even though I love Cierra) as he squeezed her hand./P

PJD was stricken. Somehow the Shakespearean-quoting teenager had gotten on his good side, and he suddenly felt as much sorrow as he had at his mother's funeral. /P

PLouis looked at Lestat, suddenly knowing what to do. He whispered something low enough for only his maker to hear, and Lestat nodded. He pushed everyone away from the girl and leant towards her face, silently asking her consent. She nodded, agreeing to become Lestat's fledgling. As she drank from him, she felt a strange feeling come over her, it was like she had eaten three boxes of Twinkies and 10 gallons of soda. Then she knew. Lestat's last victim was a junkie, and the drug had stayed in his blood stream, which was now hers. She sat up, vaguely aware of her lips locked down on Lestat's wrist. She dropped her jaw, letting his wrist hang free. By now she was a vampire on acid, and we all know how dangerous that can be./P

PShe looked around the room, surveying everyone. She smiled, then stood up and gave Lestat a hug. /P

PThank thee, Lestat. But now I must find Titus Andronicus, and murder him to revenge my sons he hast slaughtered without thinking of the inevitable consequences. I shall rout him from our kingdom, and slay him for the pain he hast wretched from thine family./P

PLestat simply stood there, amazed at how delusional she was. He hadn't thought of the drug in his system, or how it would affect her. Apparently she thought she was Tamora from Shakespeare's play, UTitus/U./P

PJason Dean , find me a weapon of suitable strength to do this deed, and I shall wipe this villain from this earth!/P

PNeedless to say, JD was a little hesitant to give her something sharp, and Cierra was beginning to regret letting her live when Captain Kirk ran in through the back door./P

PWhere is he!!!!! Where is Picard, that piece of space sludge him?!?!?!?! His face turned white when he saw how hard Sarah was looking at him. She raised her sword and growled, /P

PShe charged at him and the last anybody saw of Captain Kirk, he was still running down 32SUPnd/SUP street, shooting behind him with his laser blaster. /P

PJD was very skeptical of who was now in his house. I mean, a vampire or two he could handle, but two Captains of the IEnterprise /Iarguing over who was the best captain kinda pissed him off. He had just pulled out his .44 to get some answers when /P

P::Ding, Dong::/P

POh, shit!/P

PJD opened the door quickly, his gun already drawn. He aimed the weapon at…Winona Ryder. She screamed and ran to the side of the house, sure that Jason Dean would follow. He was considerably pissed and confused now. Veronicas twin had just rung the doorbell, the ran away!!! Make up your mind!!! /P

PHe stalked through the thick vines his idiot father had ordered, and decided to figure all this out. He found Winona trembling under a bush, trying not to be seen. He gave a dry laugh./P

PI can see you!/P

PHe forced her at gunpoint inside the house, where she came face to face with Veronica./P

PHow come I wasn't in more of the story? she pouted./P

IUPBecause you're boring, and I didn't know what to do with you./P

/I/UPOh, that's nice./P

PVeronica stopped arguing with the beautiful teenage author and looked at Winona. She was staring at her look-alike with horror. Veronica smiled, reached out, and pinched Winona's cheek. /P

PHey hon! Cierra had told Ronnie about the movie Daniel Waters made that was based on her. She knew all about Winona, though apparently she didn't know about Veronica. Veron-/P

PWhat are you doing? Winona had seen Marius behind her and turned to confront him. Marius bared his teeth and hissed, playing with the girl. /P

PShe fainted. Marius laughed out loud and kicked her limp form./P

PI've been trying to do that all night. He started laughing so hard he was rolling on the floor, blood tears streaming down his face. Everyone else in the room was staring at him, most of them laughing too. They were going to try and get the actress to wake up when/P

P::Ding, Dong::/P

PJD really didn't care who it was. He was almost laughing too hard to even notice the bell. Sarah jumped from behind the door. /P

PBR

She gave him a huge hug, and whispered in his ear, I've got a present!!!!!/P

PThey walked into the room and saw Louis, Lestat, Marius, Veronica, and The Little Mutated Mermaid all sitting on the couch and chairs, hanging on each other they were laughing so hard. Sarah ran into the middle of the circle they had made and produced a gift-wrapped box, with a coffin shape. I was only about 12 inches long, but Sarah handled it like it was made of glass. Sarah and Jason Dean sat next to each other as he started to unwrap the box. As he unveiled the rest of it, the words LIVING DEAD DOLL flashed out at you. JD greedily opened the box to find…himself. The doll had arched eyebrows, empty eyes, and a schoolboy's uniform. As JD played with his new toy, Lestat rested his head on Louis shoulder, and said, Well, that was fun./P

PLestat was confused. What do you mean?/P

PThe story's over. Cierra can't think of anything else to have us do, so I guess we have to go back to the dark place we always go when she isn't using us./P

PDamn. I hate it there./P

P**************/P

P/P

P /P

PSarah turned to me. /P

PYou do know that isn't really a story./P

PSure it is. A story has a plot, and this story…..IUKINDA/I/U does!/P

PRight…………Can we go watch Invisible Man now?/P

PNo, I have to decide the ending./P

PYou just finished it!/P

PYou're just pissed because you wear a Lobster bib!/P

PAm not!/P

PAre too!/P

PAm Not!!/P

PARE TOO!!!/P

PAM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!/P

PARE T-/P

PMARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB, LITTLE LAMB, LITTLE LAMB! MARY HAD A-/P

PARE TOO!!!!!!!!!!!/P

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